I want to speak a message entitled, "Critical Response". It's going to be practical to help us in our everyday life and help us to interact better with the people around us. James 1:19 says, "So then my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath". Father, this morning we thank you already for what you're doing here. Lord, let this word have its perfect effect in our lives. May we decrease and may you increase, in Jesus name, amen.
This may initially seem like an interesting topic for a Sunday; it's more of a teaching message that God wants to get into our hearts. I believe that it is wisdom that will help to set us free, to learn to cope and interact with people; to get along and work through things, to help us solve issues when we're interacting with others. I believe that this is a deeply spiritual issue that deals with our character; how to deal with criticism and how to give criticism.
Criticism is inevitable; we all get it, we all give it and we all hear it. As a matter of fact with the advent of "American Idol" and "America's got talent", it seems like everybody is a critic and a judge. Everybody seems to know everything about music, dance and writing. We criticize Presidents, preachers, parents, and food, like we're experts in every single area of it but we're really not all that good in all those areas. In America we're a nation of experts and know it alls and we've gotten very critical with everybody and everything.
What we do with criticism and how we give criticism is important. It's the difference between us building other people up or us tearing other people down. How many think the devil already does a pretty good job of tearing things down? But we serve a God who is a builder, a restorer, a healer and one who puts things back together after people have already done a great job of taking everything apart. Seems like people today are more like teenagers with a set of tools. They know how to take something apart all over the floor but when they try to put it back together they have a lot of pieces left over. How many know God knows where every piece fits? He knows every persons heart and He knows what's vital and what needs to be done.
Constructive criticism can be helpful but it hurts and that still needs to be done tactfully. Some people are really good at giving criticism. When it comes to helping other people they know how to be tactful and careful of feelings, while others are just plain mean. Some people make it their life's ambition to criticize and if you are spending a great deal of time with these types of people in your life you could easily become a very negative person. Criticism builds a climate of complacency, unrest, defeat and even discouragement unless it is meant to build and encourage and inspire.
The Bible tells us that Christians are supposed to be creative and constructive. I believe Christians should be the most creative people in all the world and they should be the most constructive in terms of dealing with people because Jesus was good at it. He was good at building people and the things around Him. Christians should be looking for the best, encouraging one another, even when we need to deal with something that's negative or something that's wrong. Hebrews 10:24 says, "Let us consider one another, in order to stir up love and good works". We must look at our lives carefully so that we realize what we are stirring up. What are you stirring up all around you? What are you stirring up in your home? What are you stirring up in the worplace? What are you stirring up at church? What are you stirring up just when you go to the store? Our lives are to be used carefully.
Because criticism will come, we should learn how to respond and deal with it, as we give it and receive it so we can help stir others to good things. I believe that this is an important part of growth and maturity and it is also an important part of leadership. We must know how to properly give and receive criticism. How many understand that we live in a world that's not doing well? We can be great to point out everything that's not going right because it's obvious. But God didn't call Christians just to point out whats wrong. He called us to not only see what needs to be fixed but to help fix it, heal it and build it up. I believe that for some reason, Christians have become very negative people when it comes to finding out what's wrong but never very good at giving the answers for things to go well.
The first thing we must understand when we're dealing with criticism is that some things must be dealt with. You can't avoid stuff all your life; there are times when things need to be dealt with. Matthew 18:15 says, "Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone". Now watch this key word, "Alone". When something is going on we like to tell everybody else what we're going to talk to the brother about before we get to the brother. The Bible says to deal with him between you and him alone and if he hears you, you've gained a brother. We're called to lead people to Christ and to see relationships healed. Even as Americans we see what's going wrong with our country but the issue isn't just to point out everything that's wrong; the issue is to gain a brother and gain him to the Lord, to show them God's ways, God's values and God's purpose. By doing that we're going to a higher level instead of just wagging the finger.
Sometimes we need to hear it when we're wrong, sometimes we need to give the criticism and sometimes we do offend and we need to know that. There are times it is our responsibility to correct and to confront. If a relationship is bad or if someone is doing something wrong and if someone is being hurt, then we have a responsibility to stand up and deal with those things. In America as Christians, it is our responsibility to stand up with the Gospel of Jesus Christ and declare what it says. Those criticisms, those things that we need to see changed must be done right so we gain a brother and not push away. Galatians 6:1 says, "Brethren, if a man is taken over in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted". If we're dealing with an issue, we are to do it face to face with another and we are to give it the attention it deserves.
We live in a time where everyone wants to keep their hands off of stuff, as long as it doesn't bother me or if I see it going on, who am I? How many know Christ as your Lord and Savior? you've given Him your heart and your everything. Who are you? You're a child of God and as Christians we have a responsibility. If we see a brother or sister around us that's in sin, our job isn't to go to everybody else and tell them about their sin. Our responsibility is to go to them and help them to see their sin and remind them that there's a Savior who will set them free and love them and change their life. The Bible says that we're not to do it with arrogance but with gentleness. Anyone who is going to be confronted when they're wrong needs it to be done with love, then the Bible says we should be careful ourselves. The church has been so hypocritical, we've yelled about the sins of others yet at the same time we've got so much sin in our own life; we'll restore them and then we'll fall into the same thing that they were doing. God says, you who are spiritual restore them but you stay close to God.
If we have an issue we are to come with the right attitude, whether it's a spouse, a child or a boss but whoever it is we are to do it. If we are a parent, a boss or a leader, it is our responsibility to handle certain things. To be afraid of confrontation or of criticism really means that we may be just sherking our responsibility to correct a brother. There's a lot of people today who see stuff going on but they're quiet because they don't want to be negative. Sometimes the only way to correct a negative issue is to deal with it head on in love and to gain a brother in Christ, to see them restored and healed.
The critical part of response is when we're being criticized we need to respond slowly. How many have found that its really easy to get angry when you're being criticized? Proverbs 19:11 says, "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger and his glory is to overlook a transgression". Slow to anger and slow to be offended; when you do this when someone criticizes you for what you're doing whether they are right or wrong and you are slow to anger, then you have just started to live your life at a whole different level.
It's time for Christians to start living at a Christian level instead of at a fleshly level. We get as mad as the world but we should be responding differently than the world. Whenever criticism comes, the Bible says it is to our glory to overlook an offense. That means if someone didn't come to you in the right way and didn't handle it quite correctly, be slow in how you respond. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. I believe that this is conversational, practical wisdom at its best. When someone criticizes we want to immediately defend ourselves and stake our position but when we do that tension starts to rise. There was a time the body of Christ walked with such wisdom and understanding but somehow we've become so much like the world that when it comes to dealing with everyday things we've begun to live at the same level that the world does, instead of living at a higher level the way Jesus does.
Proverbs 20:3 says, "It is to a man's honor to avoid strife but every fool is quick to quarrel". Some people will argue about anything, even stuff they know nothing about and they'll even tell you they know nothing about it, yet still argue. Refuse to allow critics to control you. Some people are infuriated by criticism, others become paranoid, some become intimidated and others fall into a deep place of despair. A slow response allows you to control the situation and your emotions. I've got good news for you today, if the spirit of God lives inside of you, you have every right and every ability to control how you feel. You may not be able to control your initial response to what someone says in the sense of how you feel inside but you can start changing your feelings if you take your time in how you answer. A lot of people say, "I can't help it". Yes you can because "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world".
God says that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Maintain your composure and refuse to allow the criticism to control your response clock. How many know that a lot of husbands and wives could learn that pretty easy? Have the person clarify until you can understand what they are saying so you can determine whether what they are saying is valid or not. Many times they may not have spoken what they meant quite well but they've got a valid issue that you need to deal with.
When you're going to respond to criticism, do it positively. It's time to have positive attitudes in the body of Christ. Even in this country we live in that is doing things so negatively and against the Word of God, we can positively affect this world because what God does is a good thing. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger". Remember when I asked you, "What are you stirring up in your life?" How you answer, what you say and how you say it makes all the difference in the world. This is such wisdom; watch your volume and your intensity, it makes all the difference.
This month, Dawn and I will have been married 21 years and I can't wait when we celebrate 21 years together. I don't know if you've noticed or not but I'm a fairly intense person and my wife is a fairly quiet person. When we were first together there were times when we would deal with things. We don't fight that often, we'll just talk about stuff; very rarely have we had an intense disagreement. Dawn used to have to tell me all the time, "You are loud". The truth is the power went out today and I don't need this microphone, you can hear me just fine. I'm intense and Dawn would tell me that sometimes I overwhelm her completely because I'm so loud and intense. I just stopped and had to learn to quit being so intense and bring down the volume a little bit, and pretty soon things were going quite well. Some of you need to understand that you can make a point without being loud and so intense all the time.
The Church, as it's ministering to this world needs to share the love of Christ. We can be intense and emphatic in what we believe and not move from the ground which we stand on but we can do it with a voice that will help change opinion and hearts to the glory of God. This is powerful, do not permit yourself to battle personality or preferences; deal with problems. Too many times we are dealing with personalities and preferences instead of something that matters. I want you to remember this, instead of giving people a piece of your mind, allow them to see the peace in your heart. As believers there really should not be a time when we give people a piece of our mind. If you give someone a piece of your mind then you are now missing a vital piece of yours; you just lost your mind and they're not going to give it back because they got you. Jesus said we have the mind of Christ and that's what we should be giving away. Refuse to blow up and refuse to bow down but hold your peace and stand your ground. Minister and say what needs to be said but do it with a good positive attitude.
Be open to receive from those who might be a messenger of God. All of us need to hear the Word of God. I don't care how long you've been serving Jesus or how much you think you've got it together, the Lord will give you a word when you need a word. Have you ever noticed that God will use people to speak to you that you don't want to ever have to speak to you? Don't you hate it when they're right? Proverbs 15:5 says, "A fool despises his father's instruction but he who receives correction is prudent". All of us can learn and find a better way and all of us sometimes just need plain correction. David had to have the prophet Nathan come and speak into his life. The prophet Samuel came and spoke to Saul. The apostle Paul when he was just starting out had to go correct Peter. The truth is that sometimes criticism is valid. Someone said the problem with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
During my first pastorate up in Parsonville I learned a lot. I was 26 years of age, the church grew in that town, it was a marvelous time with great people. They had started a school about 20 years before I got there that had about 20 kids. As the pastor I became the director of that school and my daughter started going there. In the course of it, the school started to become a great drain on the church financially and we discovered very quickly that we were not producing the type of students that could adequately go to college. So I determined as the Pastor that it was time for the school to close and took it to the board saying we're not doing our kids a favor.
A Christian education should be a good education. I was from the city and when you're from the city you just get it done. In that small town they did a lot of dragging their feet but they were good, dear people.
The board had made a decision and we knew when we got to the meeting that the church could decide that they were going to keep the school open. I came to the meeting and one guy got a little intense and how many know I can be more intense? After that meeting a dear lady came into my office and said, "Pastor, I understand why we had to do it but that was really hard for our church because we've been very proud of that school for a long time. It seemed like you came to that meeting with the armor of God on you instead of a compassionate heart". Just before I came to that meeting you know what I prayed? For the armor of God. I came dressed for battle. I learned a lot that day. Although a job needed to be done I hadn't gone out and done it in love. I was ready for war and I was going to win; it needed to be done and it was going to happen. When that precious lady came into my office I was ready but I walked out of there so convicted and a changed man because she was faithful. Thank God for a woman of God who wasn't afraid to correct a 26 year old, wet behind the ears, preacher.
Proverbs 9:8-9 says, "Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning". The next day after that meeting I read this scripture and I decided I wanted to be a wise man. The truth is that healthy feedback can help us to grow and improve and to stay accountable.
When criticism is warranted we should respond humbly and with a desire to change. When we are the receiver of wrong criticism there are two right places to go with it. You can let it destroy you or you can take it where it needs to go. Number one is to the Lord. 1st Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you". The truth is that critics are not in control and lies and meanness don't count. Some people will lie about you and some are just plain mean. We just need to get over the fact that not everybody is going to be nice all the time. If they were then God would have never put in His word, "Love your enemies, bless those who curse you and be good to those who despitefully use you". Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you , yes I will help you and I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". Sometimes when you become the recipient of wrong criticism, it's hard to stand. But God said, if you'll just come to me, I'll hold you up. In my years as Pastor, people have given me some wrong stuff, they've been mean and sometimes they've been wrong. What I've found is this, God is always good and He's always faithful.
The other place that you need to go with wrong criticism is to the ?wrong file' or the wastebasket. Some people are mean and some people are wrong. If you ever get a letter in the mail and they don't sign their name, don't even bother to read it, just throw it away. If someone doesn't have the guts to put their name on a letter then it really isn't that important. Some of you as employers need to hear this because you've had people say things about you or write you nasty notes that will ruin your day. Don't even bother to read it, just throw it away; that criticism doesn't count.
The last thing I want to leave us with this morning is this, be careful about how sensitive you are to everything people say. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 says, "Do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others". Some people always want to hear what everyone's thinking and what everyone has to say. I believe this verse will make you think because many times we have said stuff that we don't mean and many times we have meant stuff that we never intended for anyone else to hear. Christians survive in this life with a thick skin and a tender heart. That means you can't be falling apart every time someone says something about you and you can't harden your heart if you're going to love people to Jesus every time someone says something mean. The truth is that you should be able, through the help of God, to allow your skin to be thick enough if they don't like you or if they disagree with you, to not bother you and still remain tender and caring for people.
The church needs to be the most tender people in all the world. Somehow the church in our American climate have become so militant. We are soldiers of the Lord and warriors for Christ but our battle is not against flesh and blood, it's against the enemy, so we should always remain tender to people. Not everyone is going to agree with you or respect you, so what! Not everyone is going to like you or care about you; not everyone is going to like what you have to say, so what! It's ok. All of us can be fickle sometimes; one day we love somebody, the next day we don't love somebody. Some people never graduated from Junior High School and it's time for them to grow up.
Wisdom gives people room to be people, it gives people room to be mad at you one day and be ok with you today; you've done it. People are people and God desires us to be free and to get along. Roman 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men". It's time for the church to be good with a critical response, that our hearts would be moldable before the Lord, that we love and care for people and that we move to a different level in our life of living. How many believe we are in the last of the last days? It's time for the church not to fall apart but to come unto God and rise to that level to live for Him in all His fullness, in all the character that God can give. Some of you this morning have been hurt by other people and God wants to heal that today. Some of you are dealing with some difficult people in your life right now, and if you haven't yet, you're going to. That's just life because we have to deal with people and somebody is going to have to deal with you at some point because even you can get difficult.
God wants us to be good at what we do as Christians in our interactions with other people. I believe these type of messages are just as important to the health of a church as talking about revival. Dealing with people and becoming a person of character is just as important as laying all our sin on the altar before God. There's a work I believe God is doing here at Harvest Community and it's a wonderful thing. He is faithful and He is good but He is taking us all to a different level not only in our desire for God but in our living for God. Amen
