Turn with me in your Bibles to Amos 3:3. I want to speak a message entitled "Recipe for good relationships". Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together unless they are agreed?"
Lord, as we come, let your word have its perfect way in us today. Build us up. May we decrease and may you increase. In Jesus name, Amen.
One day a hard working man had come home. He sat down in his leather chair, looked at his wife and said, "You know, life would be great if it weren't for other people". How many have ever felt that way at some time or other? I've been there and I know you have too. Life always involves other people. God made it that way. We're dependent on each other and we need each other. We need that fellowship and that love together and having good relationships is important. All of life revolves around our interaction with other people whether it's with family, at work, with friendships or just going down the street. The truth is if you tried to isolate yourself and just be alone in this world of 6.6 billion people you would find yourself running into somebody even if you were in the jungle somewhere.
Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men". It doesn't all depend on you but a great deal does depend on you. We're to live at peace and have good relationships with people. Peaceful relationships make a powerful life and a much easier life. To be a person of peace takes thought and careful attention. It takes noticing what's going on around you and a desire to care for others. The devil likes to attack relationships at every level. It doesn't matter where you are or how close you are to somebody. The enemy understands if he can infiltrate the home and just cause things to be a little bit disconnected in relationships then life is going to be hard. So he likes to attack your marriage. He even likes you to think that the guy driving down the street looked at you a little different and kind of ruined your day.
There are 3 reasons why Satan is relentless in his attack. Number one is that there is much power when people come together in agreement, harmony and unity. It is amazing how much more we accomplish together than apart. How many are thankful that you've been able to do a lot more with your life because of other people? Look what happens when two godly parents say they're going to raise their children for Jesus. Someone makes a decision, "I know I can't do it on my own so we're going to do this together" and you see these children become godly people and they become adults walking with the Lord. Then they raise their children in the same way and pretty soon you have an entire family structure that is not only making a difference in harmony together but really makes a difference with everyone they come in contact with.
You see what happens when a church is in unity together where they don't just come to church to celebrate but when they also fellowship outside the building. Last week at the church picnic we had good food together and good fellowship. I believe there was such unity we even baptized in shark- infested waters and the sharks didn't come near us. Two hundred yards down the beach somebody got bit on the leg but God kept the shark away from us.
The truth is that people don't break under the weight of life when they have relationship not only with God but with each other. You can go through so much when you know that other people are there with you, loving you and you're not alone. In the years that my wife and I have been married, we've seen many things together but we've been able to go through it because we've been in unity. We've stuck together, prayed together, cry and rejoice together and we've seen God do things. I know friends of mine and church folk that are family and we've seen the enemy come and attack and we've prayed together and gotten with God. Times when you thought you couldn't stand there was always someone there, someone that would care and be involved. The enemy wants to attack that because he knows that by yourself you can crumble under the weight. But with God on your side and with other people supporting, being in that harmony and unity together that God has designed there is a wonderful weight that you can carry.
Leviticus 26:7-9 it says, "You will chase your enemies and they shall fall by the sword before you. Five of you shall chase one hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten thousand to flight. Your enemies shall fall by the sword before you for I will look on you favorably and make you fruitful. I will multiply you and confirm my covenant with you".
The truth is that if you had to face some battles alone you would run and hide and not want to go out the door. But if you have other believers that are standing with you in the family of God, prayer warriors that have got your back and are standing with you together, it's amazing the demons you can put to flight and the victories you can have in life. That is why good relationships are important and we need to have them.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him and a threefold cord cannot be easily broken".
The truth is you can't do it on your own and you don't want to do it on your own. The 2nd reason that Satan attacks is that God has plans for us that include working with other people. There are many commands in the scripture that we can't obey if we do it on our own. As a matter of fact when we come to first Friday prayer it is so important that the body of Christ gets together and in unity stands in the gap for the city, for this church, for marriages and lives that need a touch from God, and for healings. The enemy knows the things that we have to do together and if he can get in then he can stop some of the plans and purposes of God.
The 3rd reason that Satan likes to attack is because of the power of impact we can have on one another. How many know at least one person in your life that if they had not been involved, your life would be completely different than it is now? Just one person. I can look back in my life at those Sunday school teachers and godly people in the church whom when I was going through some of the hardest times in my life, God would send them and they would just speak a word of kindness, even a prophetic word. The friends that were there to challenge when I wasn't living right and those who were there to encourage when I was but was discouraged. Not only have each of us had a cheerleader, how many of us have been affected by that one person who was so negative it hurt us? There's not anyone here who has gone unaffected by just one person. The devil knows that if he can begin to stop the way that we influence one another for godliness that he can begin to subvert the plans of God.
We're going to look at several things that it takes to make relationships good. This is so important because relationships are struggling today like never before, not just marriage but fellowship in the body of Christ. The first part of a great relationship is selflessness. It means laying down our life and caring for someone else. This doesn't come naturally to any of us because we come into this world kicking and screaming. If you come in too quiet there's a doctor who's going to slap you just to make sure he gets a rise out of you. We come in kicking and screaming and wanting our own way. Selfishness destroys relationships. The moment life begins to be all about me, the relationship begins to go down hill whether it's in your marriage, in a friendship or with your kids. It doesn't matter if it's your business or whatever relationship it is. Remember that song Toby Keith wrote? "I want to talk about me, want to talk about I, want to talk about number one". How many know as soon as it becomes all about me then life is going to be in trouble?
Philippians 2:4 says, "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus". That includes our spouses, our kids, those we work with and also just the people we're with.
Yesterday I was out picking up someone in front of a Stein-Mart and I was sitting in the car behind someone who had parked there. We were talking and someone else had gotten into their car and decided to back up. All they were interested in was themselves, they didn't look in the mirror to see if anyone else was there. Well, that someone else was me. So I was trying to be nice and not raise a stir but they just kept getting closer and closer and pretty soon the only way to get their attention was to blow the horn. They came so close you could have barely stuck a piece of paper between us. God was telling me, "Your boys are watching" and I was saying, "Lord, help her" but that poor lady was only concentrating on herself, she didn't look behind her. I wouldn't have made a big deal over it, that's why we have insurance. Car doors get dents and you don't need kill people over a little fender bender. You've got to be paying attention. If you're selfish we were taught to just pay attention to us, what we're doing and where we are. This is a selfish generation. I've been talking with people, right in the middle of a deep conversation and their cell phone rings and they answer it. Put your cell phone down.
The truth is we need to pay attention. Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus. We're to care about and have a genuine interest in others. What dissolves most relationships is when we become focused on just us and our things. James 4:1 says, "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members". A recipe for a good relationship is selflessness. Husband, if you want to be blessed, be selfless toward your wife and kids. If you want to be blessed on the job, it's not just about customer service, it's about genuinely caring for other people. It's about looking out for their interest and not just your own.
Another key ingredient in this recipe for good relationships is humility. Pride destroys and it destroys quickly. I can't tell you how many people walk around like they've got it all together and no one can teach them anything, like they've got this whole thing figured out. Pride will destroy fast but humility builds up. Humility cares for others and it doesn't always have to be first, best or right. How many of you have been right but left in the cold? How many of you husbands or wives have been right but you've spent the night on the couch? Some of you were there last night, that's ok. You came to church this morning and God wants to bless you. "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall". This world tells us that you have to be better and you have to be ahead, the one that's in front or the best. The truth is I've done this before and so have you, you've been driving down the street and you come up behind someone. You drive around them to speed up and when you get to the stoplight all you got was one car length ahead. But how many of us live life like that? Afraid that someone else will get ahead of us. How many know it doesn't matter.
Ist Peter 3:8 says, "Finally, all of you, be of one mind, having compassion for one another. Love as brothers, be tender hearted and courteous". Care for one another, be compassionate. Pride is always in such a rush to be best or first. Humility is such a blessing. "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let us esteem others better than ourselves". This doesn't deal with insecurity or low self esteem. As a matter of fact, if you're going to consider others better than yourself, this deals with strong security. Every Christian should know who they are in Christ and understand that God has made them and what God has done inside of them. I have watched as God has worked hard to heal people of this. God wants to do a work.
Arrogance and running over people, getting our own way, seems to be the way that this world tends to do things. We are to treat each other like a brother, like family. I have found that in our culture, many people don't understand what this means because families are different. How many have met families where the brothers beat each other up? My sister married into a family and everywhere they go it's high drama. Everywhere they go someone is fighting with somebody. It doesn't matter what they fight about. They're just so familiar with fighting they have to be fighting. They could talk about politics and whether they agree or not, someone has to play devils advocate just to stir them up. They are constantly in turmoil and my sister married into this family. So we got together a couple nights before the wedding, our family and their family at their house. A couple hours later one of her soon to be brother in-laws walked up to her and said, "You're family is really weird". She said, "Well I know that but what do you mean"? He said, "Everywhere we go, we fight but your family seems to be ok with each other. They're just too nice, what's wrong with them? Don't they ever have any feelings"? She said, "Yes, but we love each other. This is normal. When we get together we actually like to be together". And I thought, what a wonderful testimony. We were in their house and sometimes it was just fun to watch. I had a good plate of food and just sat in the corner, it was awesome. I watched these people go to town. "Well, Pastor, what do you think?" "I think that you're all crazy, I think that you just need to love each other. What are you all fighting about? Did you love each other growing up?" "Yes". It's like the thought had never crossed their minds.
Listen, my family is just as weird as yours is. There's not a normal family in this room so don't think that you're alone. I don't care where you come from. That's wonderful, that's what makes the body of Christ so marvelous. People get in church and think another person is so strange but have you looked in the mirror lately? What a marvelous difference God has done as he brings us together. What a precious thing, we need each other. Those who are prideful struggle in all their relationships. If you are finding out that you have problems most places that you go, if you can't seem to get along at home and at work and are having difficulties with all your friends then you're probably struggling with pride. If you would learn to be humble and learn to love and care about people you would find that your relationships start to get better. I'm not talking about abusive things or extremes though God does help us through that. I'm talking about a recipe for good relationships.
Proverbs 13:10 says, "By pride comes nothing but strife". If you find out that wherever you go there is strife then there is pride involved. We need to check our heart and add something to our recipe for life. If we stay humble it will help us treat each other with a preference that builds them up. I dare you to try that and you watch what happens.
One other key ingredient to good relationships is love. When you ask a good southern cook what is the secret to their recipe they'll tell you it's love. Butter may make it better but love keeps them coming back for seconds. The truth is if you go to someone's house and the food is incredible but the company is really bad then you're probably not going back. You will find any excuse not to be there. But even if the food is horrible and there's love, you'll come back. Love makes the difference.
A lack of love builds insecurity but true love secures and anchors a relationship. I've met so many people who are really insecure and when they get into relationships you can tell, you can read body languages. You get to read people even before you go up to talk to them. I've realized that what these people need is a lot of love. If I want the relationship to be good I treat them with such a kindness as I would want someone to treat me so that their insecurity begins to melt. I have met people that are so abrasive that you just want to run when you go up to them. What I have found is that these people are so used to rejection that they just want to get it out of the way. I've met children like this in my life and I've watched adults get really cranky when kids are around. Can I just speak to the adults for a minute? You're the adult and they are the child. How profound is that?
I've found that if I begin to just love people, even the abrasive ones, somehow it begins to get through to them. My wife said to me, "You know you're just so different than me, wherever you are you seem to be able to get along with people and you just aren't afraid of people." I'm not, you can put me in the ghetto and I'll love people, you can put me with rich people and I'll love them. I don't care how I'm dressed, where I'm going, what I'm doing, I'm just comfortable with people. Why? Because I've become comfortable that God loves me. The truth is that even if you don't like me, I don't care, God loves me and I'm ok. I'm going to walk away and I'll be all right. There's a recipe for good relationships, if you hurt me I'll still love you though I may not come back for seconds.
1st John 4:7 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for God is love". Love is caring and non judgmental. We talk so much about love in a marriage and that's good. We talk about how love is patient and kind, it's not rude, it doesn't envy or boast but all that is part of every relationship. I think sometimes we get this mindset that this only works in marriage but I have found that if you just live it as a whole and stop compartmentalizing it then everything gets better. It governs how we meet people on the street, it governs everything.
The other day I got an e-mail. I love good e-mails and I try to get through all of them but some people send lots of e-mails and the truth is when my mailbox finally gets to about 150 I just hit the delete button, I don't care what I'm missing. I look through to see if it's a personal thing and if it's not a personal thing, just a forwarded thing, then I'll delete it. Some of that stuff is really good so don't stop sending them, I want to see them. Someone sent me something that I really wasn't going to go through and it talked about this lady named Susan Boyle on the show "Britain's got Talent".
I love music and I hate to watch people struggle and look foolish. I've grown up in church and have endured some really bad singing in church. The reason why we make sure you can sing before you get up here is because we love you and we also love ourselves and we don't want to put up with that. When I saw this video I almost didn't watch it then something said to click on it and watch it. I watched as this lady came out on the stage looking very frumpy and unkempt and the pastor in me wanted to put my arms around her and tell her to please don't do this. As I watched I could see the faces of people scoffing and mocking. That drives me nuts. It has no place in the body of Christ. God said to keep watching. That lady gets out there and opens her mouth and begins to sing and she was awesome and then you watched everybody's heart just melt.
They were so judgmental before they heard her that they were going to mock her off the stage. They had to wait to see if she had the goods before they were going to be nice. How many know we should be nice even before? I could just see God being pleased. Then I found out that she's a Sunday school teacher and has spent all of her years taking care of her mother at home. What a great person. She's 47 years old and has never been kissed. What a great testimony. As she got up there and started to sing, God said, "That's my girl. I just wanted to show the world that this Sunday school teacher who has been doing my will all this time can sing".
Church, we need the kind of love that even if someone is going to get up and be bad, we love them and care for them. Every once in awhile someone may get up here that doesn't sing very well and if your teenager is mocking, you ought to elbow them so hard that they make a yell. Teach them that we need to love each other.
No relationship would be complete without understanding and forgiveness. We need to make allowances for each others faults and shortcomings. The truth is that all of us have our unique ways, strengths and weaknesses. Understanding and forgiveness are essential because all of us need both at some point. Without forgiveness, bitterness and resentment begin to set in. If you are irritated or angry all the time then the truth is that you're bitter and you need to forgive. God will have to help you figure out what it is. I'm not talking about going to some shrink who helps you to remember some imaginary thing that was going on in your childhood that you can't remember. That's just goofy stuff. There's even Christian's in prayer meetings that try and dig up all that junk. Listen, whether you remember it or not, God can heal. Too many relationships are hampered by roots of bitterness, about issues that are long forgotten but the feelings remain.
Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you".
Forgiveness is sweet. Nothing makes life more bitter than a lack of understanding and a lack of forgiveness. I'm Italian and I understand that sometimes you get those ingredients. I love garlic and tomatoes and oregano. What I also learned from my Grandma is that sometimes things get a little bitter in the sauce and every once in awhile you just need to throw in a little bit of sugar. Forgiveness is that sugar to make things sweet because it erases everything that was bitter there. Somehow God comes and begins to release those roots that were bound up around their heart and that weed is able to be pulled out. What can be better than that? How many of you have ever been forgiven? Not just by Jesus but by someone else. How many have ever been forgiven by your spouse? The truth is you've got to be.
Good relationships do three things and I want to close with this very quickly. The way that you know you're in a good relationship is that they're healthy and safe. The first way that you know you're in a good relationship is that it draws you closer to God and not away from him. That person or that working relationship you're involved in, why get into business with someone who is ungodly and has a lack of integrity? Why would you do that? Whatever you're doing should draw you closer to God. That person that you care for, before you marry them that person should be taking you closer to God and not away from God.
The 2nd thing that a good relationship will do is draw you closer to others. It will help you want to care for other people. It won't take you away and try to isolate you just to you. A good relationship will help you to be in good relationship with other people. My wife has been good for me. On Wednesday night I started getting on a point in my message and I was getting carried away and not going to a good place. Sometimes you can get out from under the anointing even for just a minute. My wife was looking at me shaking her head and I was thankful I listened. Not only did I not violate God but I didn't say something really dumb. She knew where I was going.
Good relationships should draw us closer to others.
Thirdly, that relationship should help us to become all that God desires us to be. Do you know God has a special work for you? A special plan. A recipe for a good relationship is that you are with someone who brings out the best in you because God is in them, working through them, and helping you to become all you should be. When you become worse in that relationship you can't have a good relationship and it needs to be worked on. Are we there for others so that our life can be lived for the glory of God?
I want to challenge you, if you recognize that you need these ingredients in your relationships then start to get them in there. I'm telling you as a cook, if you put them in it will be good. Amen.
If I were to poll everybody in this place, it's usually not the situations of life that give us the most challenges and struggles, it's usually the relationships that we have. Jesus, I thank you for your faithfulness and that we're in that relationship with you, that wonderful place where you speak into our life and grow us to make us more like you. Father, there are some that are struggling in their relationships and in fellowship with others and need your help. I pray right now, Holy Spirit, that you would come not only with the wisdom of your word but with your strength. I pray that marriages would be whole as they begin to add the ingredients to make them stronger.
I pray that through the life of this church as we begin to care and love that the fellowship we have with one another would increase. I pray, Holy Spirit, that that love and joy of just being with people would increase. Where bitterness has set in, I pray Lord you would begin to release. Jesus, may the hurts that have been done be healed as we forgive. Your word says that we should forgive so that times of refreshing may come. I pray that as each one begins to release others out of that hurt that they themselves would become whole by the power of your spirit. I pray God that wherever we go love would abound and that we would care for others like you care for us whether it's just the insignificant things on the highway or the way we deal with our children, to the integrity that we must have on the job or to those you would send us to that are strangers who need Jesus. God, may your recipe be what is completely made up inside of us. I thank you today for victories that we will see from this day forward, not just because you came to church but because your word has impact and changes us. We give you glory for these things in Jesus name.
